I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!