-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +121

M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -17

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -58

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -98

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +38

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -61

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Stable relationships are for horses.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!