Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +84

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

thumb_up thumb_down +139

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +47

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -25

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!