How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!