At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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you look like my mother

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!