-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down -37

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -79

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

thumb_up thumb_down -83

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

thumb_up thumb_down -129

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -38

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -46

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!