Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!