- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

Put the lotion on the skin!

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

You allergic to semen?

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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