Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!