Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -77

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Put the lotion on the skin!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down -38

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -38

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

thumb_up thumb_down -33

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

thumb_up thumb_down -135

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

thumb_up thumb_down -14

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -24

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -44

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

thumb_up thumb_down -190

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!