did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -69

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

you look like my mother

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

thumb_up thumb_down -32

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!