guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

thumb_up thumb_down -189

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

thumb_up thumb_down +160

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -78

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

you look like my mother

thumb_up thumb_down +69

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

thumb_up thumb_down +35

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +5

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +54

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!