Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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you look like my mother

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!