Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +57

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

free candy....

thumb_up thumb_down +5

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

thumb_up thumb_down +52

My therapist says I should meet new people.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

thumb_up thumb_down -146

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!