The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!