Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down +15

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

My therapist says I should meet new people.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +54

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -50

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!