-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!