Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!