I'm desperate, you'll do.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +8

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -47

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Eat me, I'm organic!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +48

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!