Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -71

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

thumb_up thumb_down +2

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -70

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!