you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -9

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -25

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -91

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +64

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

thumb_up thumb_down -44

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

thumb_up thumb_down +7

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!