Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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I think I shit myself

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!