- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -45

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -53

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

My therapist says I should meet new people.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!