Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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I think I shit myself

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!