And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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free candy....

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!