- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch flushes the toilet

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book