Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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free candy....

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!