How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!