"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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free candy....

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!