Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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