I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +163

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

thumb_up thumb_down +192

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -8

are you on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -213

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

thumb_up thumb_down +134

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +94

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

thumb_up thumb_down +48

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

thumb_up thumb_down +28

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

thumb_up thumb_down -13

M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

thumb_up thumb_down -13

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

thumb_up thumb_down +147

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!