- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!