I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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jack sanders

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!