Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!