"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

thumb_up thumb_down +26

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -38

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -48

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -50

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!