"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

thumb_up thumb_down +28

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -45

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -63

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -46

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!