Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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whats up ho

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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I've got candy.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!