Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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whats up ho

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!