Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

Get your coat love. I've got a knife

- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

Nice hair, can I pull it?

have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

can i take a dump in your mouth?

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!