Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

thumb_up thumb_down +190

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

thumb_up thumb_down +53

A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +38

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -92

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

thumb_up thumb_down -76

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

thumb_up thumb_down +47

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down -87

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!