Have you met Ted?

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Lesbihonest

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!