"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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sound of zipper

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!