fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +56

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

thumb_up thumb_down +71

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

thumb_up thumb_down -3

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

thumb_up thumb_down -35

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +189

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down +2

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Stop Footing Around

thumb_up thumb_down +40

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!