Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Want to go out? No

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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I've got candy.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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Stop Footing Around

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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sound of zipper

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!