If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Want to go out? No

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Sex?

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!