Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!