Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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So when' the baby due?

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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my dick is 2 inches

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!