Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

thumb_up thumb_down +2

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hey, do you want to dance? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -56

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -63

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down +64

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!