Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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sound of zipper

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!