The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!