Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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rohypnol. rape drug

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Gaywatch starts

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!