What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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Gaywatch starts

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!